The Black Coffee Theory: What We Say Shapes What We Get
The other day, I came across one guy’s video on TikTok and was taken aback by what he talks: the black coffee theory.
The theory goes like this,
Imagine entering a coffee shop one day. The shop appears to be a little busy. As customers continue to arrive and enjoy themselves, the sound of espresso machines resonates throughout the bar. You look at the menu, wondering what to get, with a lot going on in your head.
As the barista asks for your order, you go silent. Seconds later, muttering, “I don’t know. All I know is… I don’t want a black coffee.”
The barista asks again, and you said, “I don’t want black coffee.”
For a while, the cycle stays like that. As it's time for making your order, she couldn’t help but wonder what your order is again. The barista ended up making a black coffee as she was preoccupied with herself. Eventually, you get black coffee, the thing you don’t want the most.
Have you ever been in a situation like that? You keep on talking about what you don’t want so bad that it becomes the only thing in your mind.
Some may call this an accidental manifestation.
Context behind the theory
Basically, this theory acts as a metaphor for accidental manifestation. What you focus on the most, it’ll eventually come knocking. The unintended creation of reality – in this context, the negative or unwanted things happen through continuous unconscious focus on thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.
Everything is energy, including our thoughts. The way we focus our energy plays a key role in this matter, where dominant thoughts indirectly influence our behaviour.
Based on the theory, when you keep on repeating verbally the thing you don’t want (black coffee), your behaviour subconsciously attracts that thing – the way you act, talk, and express that thought. All because you don’t be specific with things you want instead.
Either it’s the universe at work or psychology in motion doesn’t really matter to me.
So how does it work?
I'm more interested in how this theory relates to our views than in its truth.
To be fair, subconscious mind brings to life what we focus on the most – working like some kinda engine that gives off emotion (or vibration), influencing our behaviour. That’s when attention reveal priorities, as repetitive thinking leads to outcome.
Repetition exposes what we are unwilling or unable to articulate clearly. As avoidance determines behaviour just as much as want does, it implies that worrying over things you don't want constantly has an indirect impact on your doings.
Over time, avoidance becomes a worldview, with the possibility of making you end up being a pessimist.
But one big question remains – what to do when things we don’t want to happen… happens?
I find acceptance to be the only practical response.
Photo by famingjia inventor on Unsplash
Accept and express
Indeed, life itself is a test. What you think is right and do don’t necessarily means you are correct. The outcome sometimes ends up different from what you’ve expected. You could hope for A but gets B instead – even worse, acquires D, when you never even wanted it in the first place.
I can only tell you one thing – how about you give acceptance a go?
Truth hurts and reality is harsh.
Accept the fact that humans are just… humans. Fate knows something we don’t, for better or for worse. Both you and me are bound to limitations, and one of them includes environmental boundaries (in this topic of course).
Without much thought, move on, and focus on things that you can control.
Steer your mind to focus on things you do want, which you can start by practicing positive self-talk.
As what we speak reveals the way we think and do things, speak less (even better, never); little to none on matters you don’t want.
Courtesy of the author
In a nutshell, we can say that the universe listens. It only hears the subject of what we speak (and repeat) the most, putting aside whether it’s our wants or unwanted situation.
Lack of clarity and honesty determines not only what we get, but also the way we react upon receiving it. Remember to put in the effort of whatever it is we wanna achieve – as only talk won’t do.
To readers – take a moment and ask yourself…
Are you being honest with what you really want?